Astrology of Love, Sex, Desire and Intimacy
In standard synastry (the astrology of compatibility), a pair is compatible if their sun and moon are in compatible signs. If the sun and moon are in fire and air signs, or earth and water, they are configured by sextile, a Venusian aspect of sweetness and friendliness, and thus in harmony (e.g., Sun in Libra, Moon in Leo). The most favourable indicator of compatibility is if the sun and moon share the same element (e.g., sun and moon in water signs). Sharing the same element (e.g., Sun in Cancer, Moon in Pisces) means the sun and moon are in trine, a Jupiterian aspect that means deep kinship and mutual understanding between the luminaries. If the Sun and Moon are co-present in the same sign, this suggests a blending of giving and receiving energies, which can be good for romantic and otherwise close partnerships.
Archetypally, the sun is an actor (directing its will) and the moon is a receiver (the audience/the receiver of action). A supportive relationship between the sun and moon means the moon takes on and plays off the sun’s light with grace, and the sun can express itself without dramas. Think of it as a joke with a perfect landing, sending the audience into giggle fits. Relationships of tension (e.g., if the sun and moon square or oppose each other) or aversion (e.g., if the sun and moon are not configured by any Ptolemaic aspect), may indicate conflict, misalignments and mixed messages. None of these, good or bad, are deal-makers or deal-breakers. Relationships with challenging aspects across charts can lead to personal growth, better conflict resolution strategies and irresistible chemistry. Relationships with favourable aspects across charts could result in enabling unhealthy habits and indulgences, and getting along so smoothly that mystery and curiosity are lost.
A more nuanced synastry reading lays out the chart of two people on top of each other, noting the houses where the planetary interactions (aspects) occur. Aspects involving angular houses or the rulers of angular houses may be felt more sharply. Planets in the darker houses like the eighth or the twelfth could struggle to be seen despite their best efforts.
Beyond synastry, however, a birth chart already says a lot about how you are in relationships.
The seventh house is the most important place to examine how you do long-term one-on-one partnerships. Yet it’s not as simple as saying if you’re a Leo Rising, you attract Aquariuses into your seventh house (though this sometimes happens!). If your seventh house is Pisces (mutable water), this suggests a relationship style that values fluidity (possibly including gender-fluidity and refusing heteronormativity), flexibility (less likely to require long-term commitment after a couple of dates), emotional inquisitiveness (explores the emotional effects of shared experiences rather than rational debate), possibly giving off the impression of glibness (due to preferring flow over depth). Pisces is ruled by Jupiter, so look at your Jupiter placement for info about the kind of people you get into relationships with. If the ruler of your seventh house is in the eighth house of shared resources, and if this planet is in a sign where it’s dignified, your partner might be someone who values being a provider, someone good with money and investing, someone generous with you. The presence of malefics and benefics in the seventh house also give a sense of your experiences of relationships. If Saturn is in the seventh house, this could mean you are drawn to people who are older or who come off as mature and authoritative in some way. This could also mean that fulfilling relationships occur later in life rather than earlier, and that there are strong links between your Capricorn and Aquarius houses and your partnerships. Mars in the seventh suggests heat, energy, physicality and volatility in relationships, and pulls in your Aries and Scorpio houses into the partnership dynamic.
If the seventh house is about the quality of the relationship and the people you’ll likely attract, the fifth house is about how you live out the relationship in dates, sex, and time spent together as a pair. How do you flirt? How do you make love? Are you into sexting? Are home-cooked meals your love language? Are you obsessed with f*cking in cars regardless of whether you’re in a short-term or long-term relationship? For those with children or wishing to have children, the ruler of the fifth house, the sign of the fifth house and planets in the fifth house are also helpful with these matters. Your Mercury placement—how you communicate to partners what’s flexible and what's non-negotiable—matters here too.
I’ve heard some astrologers associate planets with queerness and polyamory. In the natal chart Uranus, the planet of disruption and liberation, is often associated with queerness (and also with astrology. Astrology is a queer system when you think about it). While passively listening to a podcast on the tram, an astrologer, can’t recall who, described polyamory as showing up in the chart as Venus in the Gemini fifth house. Their interpretation was that the fifth and seventh houses in mutable signs can signify polyamory. This is certainly one expression of Venus in Gemini. Without other context I would interpret this more as fluidity, which can show up in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships. This can look like cycling through multiple relationships either concurrently or one after the other. This can look like a relationship with a lot of shifting dynamics and roles, maybe an untraditional partnership (e.g., the femme partner as the breadwinner, the masc partner as house husband). Fixed signs in the seventh house can mean a likelihood of long-lasting relationships. Fixed signs can mean loyalty, endurance, patience, staying power. But long-lasting relationships aren’t always happy ones, especially if they’re with people who are wrong for you.
In the ancient Mediterranean astrology was used by the royal court to predict markets, famines, battles. In the middle ages it was used alongside medical practice, and then for everyday urgencies like “Who stole my fish?” The use of this traditional language for personality assessment and self-improvement is comparatively more contemporary. However by itself the astrology can’t tell you if your current partner is your forever person. Or if you’ll always be alone. Or if having kids is right for you right now. Or if ethical non-monogamy is your relationship style. I see some people try to blame astrology for incompatibility or for what they feel are their partner’s failings. Don’t do that—not only will it make things worse, but it removes you, your desires, your choices and your potential for growth from the equation. You can’t change the astrology and you can’t change other people, but you can make different choices. It’s also a bad-faith approach to astrology, blaming it for something it can’t control.
Synastry is usually sought for analysing romantic partnerships but they apply to other kinds of relationships too: the best friend, the co-worker, the business partner, the artistic collaborator. Reflect on the last two relationships that worked well and the last two relationships that didn’t. Are there any significant astrological similarities and differences? Consider the astrological transits of that time. Was your Ascendant ruler unduly burdened by being in its detriment sign or being squared by Mars or Saturn?
Asking about “star signs” is a common move in contemporary dating. But people with supposedly “incompatible” astrology sometimes end up in wonderful relationships. The horary astrologer John Frawley advised that astrology is most effective when used sparingly—and I agree. Most people only start combing over every single astrological detail when things feel like they’re falling apart. It takes more than “good astrology” to make a relationship last or to make somebody The One. It takes more than “bad astrology” to ruin a relationship with strong foundations and genuine chemistry.
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Cover photo by Ian Dooley under the Unsplash Licence
